A Confession

When it comes to food, sometimes I have no control. None whatsoever. Buffets, pot lucks, all-you-can-eats – they scare me! I have a very strong Type A personality and so to not be in control is not a welcome feeling for me.

The Perfect Example: The annual End of Summer Family Pot Luck & Party.

This happened back in August. I planned ahead, did a very intense workout first thing that morning – I thought that if I could feel my abs burning at the party I’d be less likely to splurge – and I even prepared a delicious spinach & veggie salad as my contribution. Everything was going accordingly until it came time for desserts.

Lets backtrack for a moment. I should explain a few things. I don’t have a diagnosable eating disorder and I don’t have problems with hunger/full cues. I know exactly when I’m hungry, when I’m not, and when I’m full. I also know exactly when I’ve had too much but am not going to stop going back for more! It definitely counts as Binge Eating!

Sometimes it’s emotional related and sometimes it’s simply because something tastes so darn good. I avoid buying the ingredients to bake cookies because I don’t trust myself with them in the house – especially when there is also ice cream because then I combine the two into an awesome ice cream sammie…drool!! When I was young I’d open a bag of chips and not stop until they were gone. I’d mindlessly eat until suddenly I’d realize the bag was empty. Immediately I’d feel guilt, shame, anger, fat, just to name a few. It was a lack of control plain & simple. It was an unhealthy habit that needed to go!

Back to the summer party… It was fantastic spending time with my extended family I hardly ever see! Even better, my Aunt & Uncle who were hosting the party live right near the beach so there were plenty of activities to partake in – which creates a diversion from all the chips & dips people brought! When it came time for dinner I was pleased with myself: a hamburger and the rest of my plate loaded with salad & veggies. That is what I call balance: a bit of what I want with a bit of what I need!

Of course my cousin brought her delicious chocolate chip cookies and although I did manage to stick to only one, that got my sweet tooth going. I don’t generally have a problem with sweets but when they are home-made they are just so darn good! I went back to the food table and grabbed a cupcake. Really that wouldn’t be a big deal, I’d say a cupcake isn’t a crime. In fact, I’d say a cupcake is essential to happy/healthy living for me! But two is too much. And three is criminal. I had three and I will admit it was tough to restrain myself from going back for a fourth :(

It is shocking for most people to hear this about me because of how I typically eat. I hardly go back for seconds, small meals fill me up, and I am quite petite. When I told my boyfriend I ate 3 cupcakes he flat-out didn’t believe me.  I didn’t bother telling him I’d gotten a TimBit to go with my coffee on the drive home!

I do think I’ve come a long way from the eat-the-whole-bag kind of chip eater I once was to who I am now. 9 times out of 10 I’m in control of my eating but every once in a while I slip up. It is a work in progress and I’m not giving up.


6 thoughts on “A Confession

    • I’ve got two ‘tubes’ of homemade cookie dough we didn’t bake during the holidays….ginger & peanut butter my two favourite cookies. It’s been on my mind every. single. night. when I go to bed!! So hard to resist!!!!!

      • Last night I was out of will power……peanut butter cookie dough soooooo good!!!! I only ate it until the kids found me and then, after being scolded, wallowed in my new favourite red wine. On the bright side, I held off an entire WEEK until I cracked and ate the dough. I see improvement!!

    • It’s so nice to hear I’m not alone! Halloween is one of the worst times of the year because there’s just so many things and so little willpower! I can relate to the Peanut M&M’s but even worse for me is those little mini, bite sized cherry Nibs! Because they are so small I don’t feel like it’s bad to have a handful, which turns into several!!

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