It’s the most dreaded part of the relationship. When you know that there’s nothing left of it and there’s no point in putting in any more effort. It could be for a number of reasons and even a combination of reasons. Sometimes it’s a defence mechanism, a way to run & hide from the real issues, or sometimes it is truly for the best. It’s time to breakup.
This breakup isn’t with my boyfriend, he’s great and I foresee no breakups happening there! No, this breakup was not that kind of breakup but it was still a significant ending to a long relationship. Today I broke up with my (ex) best friend.
It has been a long time coming. We went to high school together and shared a lot of common interests, beliefs, etc. We had many great times together and were always there for each other when a friend was needed. Over the years we’ve had our share of ups and downs but nothing every tore us apart, we had a very strong relationship. We found in each other what everyone needs (especially through your teen years!) some who could be counted on, was always honest but never judged. We became especially close when I became pregnant. At 17 I was very young and unable to deal with everything alone, she was the one I could count on. She helped me prepare for the biggest life changing challenge I had ever taken on. She was with me through it all. After the birth of my daughter, and after the excitement wore off, she didn’t disappear as most of my other friends did. Aside from her I had very few people in my life. She helped me navigate motherhood & infancy but at the same time was able to remind me that I was only 18 and it was ok to act my age once in awhile. She let me know it was ok to not have my entire life figured out and constantly told me I was doing the right thing and being a great mother.
So if she’s all these great thing I bet your wondering why I ended our friendship aren’t you. Well, things change, people change….and some people don’t.
I think that the bottom line is that we have grown apart.
Physically in that I moved away a year ago and we’ve hardly managed to stay in touch. This happens with a lot of people in life I know but it is the way one deals with this that says a lot about character. There’s a friendship quote I can’t exactly remember (and don’t have time to Google) that says something about true friends being able to pick up right where they left off no matter how much time or distance has passed….this hasn’t been the case. It has been a year since I moved away and I’ve still got nothing but resentment and the “you abandoned me” comments. That makes it hard.
We’ve grown apart in more than just distance though. It has become increasingly difficult to even have a conversation because we aren’t on the same page. If a chance comes up for us to spend time together her suggestion would be strapping on some sexy heels and tight fitting, short dresses to go to a bar and dance the night away. This is no way interests me. I’d much prefer taking our dogs for a walk and just see where we end up, drink coffee and chit chat about life and love and children and…basically not be groped by men at a bar. Not to say that friends need to be interested in all the same things and like the same things but what we have become is complete polar opposites.
I don’t think that to be friends you have to be similar to each other but I do think that complimentary traits are key. You don’t need to enjoy the exact same activities but I do think that the underlying beliefs and values must be similar. This is where we differ greatly and as a result it has become clear that there is nothing left.
She isn’t the type of person I’d like in my life. My mantra “Taking big steps, making big changes” sometimes means tough changes. The life I want to create for myself and my children is a positive one that she doesn’t fit in to. And it has become clear that I don’t offer her what I used to. I am no longer that non-judgemental, always there for you, no matter what, type of friend she first found in me.
It is sad it has to come to this but all good things come to an end. I enjoyed the time we shared while it lasted and will cherish the memories. I’ll keep her pictures in my frames and always treasure her for what she’s done for me.
Have you ever had to breakup with a friend? This is my first experience but I think that in the end, it is best for us both.
Breakups are never easy.