Fear & Loathing

I’ve been one of the lucky ones who have been able to enjoy running as a leisurely past time or a competitive sport. I have, up until now, been able to enjoy any chosen distance of running and style of races. Running has been my personal therapy and best of all, running has been injury free. Running after an injury is an entirely new experience to me. It is a combination of both fear & loathing.

Today was my first real run since a knee injury in the fall. As such I was over analysing & over thinking every single twitch or tingle in my knee – or anywhere for that matter! A twinge in my shin – must be shin splints. Cramping calf muscle – must have pulled something. Now that I’ve had an injury I’m expecting another. It was a state of constant fear. So many “what if’s” going through my head that I was unable to relax and enjoy the run. I ended up hating almost every minute of the race.

Running through the pain used to be a marker of strength for me. I took pride in persevering. Pain was simply something to push through and overcome. But now I’m constantly wondering how far is too far and when I should push on and when I should listen to my body. Not knowing when or what while running sucks all of the usual therapeutic value out of my run. It is stressful and complicated which makes me simply loath the run.

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Fear & Loathing

  1. Hope you heal soon and you’re off and running again. Never could get into the running thing — wish I could! Always felt very awkward doing so and never did get that runner’s high as much as I tried. :).

  2. I think that “runner’s high” is not as common as people claim. At least for me it is not very common! It’s more like Runner’s Struggles, Runner’s frustrations, Runner’s-wants-to-quit 🙂 For now I’ve taken up biking and giving the running a rest! Thanks!

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