Making the Most of the Worst

No more papers, no more books! No more teachers snotty looks! 

Actually none of my teachers gave me snotty looks. And although one term has come to an end, another term has begun so technically I should be singing NEW papers, NEW books, NEW teachers…this term will be very different however. Goodbye campus and hello internship! Oh and it is my FINAL TERM (insert happy dance here)!! I do enjoy school and I love learning but I am looking forward to becoming an actual practitioner. From now until I am officially graduated I  have the opportunity to pretend to be a practitioner – thank goodness because I’m tired of lecture halls, seminar rooms, and campus life in general and ready to get some practical experience.

This post isn’t supposed to be about my boring academic adventure though, it’s a celebration because after a long absence, I’m back! It has been months since I’ve posted but today I’m reappearing and I can proudly say that today I am a stronger version of me than I was before.

My absence was partly due to an overwhelming course-load at school but mostly due to an unfortunate, frustrating, emotional roller coaster ride of an attempt at a custody agreement between myself and my son’s father. It has been, to date, the hardest experience of my life. The worst. Not only have I been struggling emotionally but the ordeal has even made me physically ill - it’s amazing how interconnected our bodies are! However, it has also been such a learning experience for me. Not only have I learned so much about our legal system in Ontario/Canada, I’ve learned a great deal about myself. I’ve learned so much about my strengths and my weaknesses (yes there are a few!). I’ve also learned about what I contribute to situations, how I sometimes unintentionally make them worse, how I sometimes try to over-control things, and how I often foolishly see good in people when good sometimes does not exist. Although this situation is far from over and no agreement has been made, I do believe/hope the worst is behind me. I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection on the entire experience and am realizing that through the many sleepless nights, the stress and worry, the frustration and tears, and the anger, I have grown and changed significantly. I see things, all things in life, through a different lens now. I believe the experience has made me a better person, a better mother, and also made me much more self-aware. Through all this, I feel even more motivated to continue along my path in life, to pursue my personal goals, and to provide the absolute best for my children because they deserve nothing less.

So there’s the happy ending to a downright awful situation, this almost sounds like a Project Optimism post! It isn’t a Monday but I’m counting it anyway, sometimes we have to bend the rules a little! 

PROJECT OPTIMISM is about having HOPE even when things appear impossible, it is about finding that silver lining regardless of how teeny tiny it may be, it’s about focusing on those little joys and letting them all add up and fill your cup.

If you aren’t familiar with Project Optimism check out the uplifting posts by other’s, there’s an entire page of participating bloggers listed here  who are sure to help you turn your frowns upside down, even if just for a moment.

*If this isn’t quite enough optimism for you, be sure to sneak a peek at my past week’s posts. Find them all stored neat & tidy under Project Optimism in my drop down Category menu to the right.*  

Project Optimism: Looking Back to Get Ahead

Sometimes I get a little down and blue – and I highly doubt I’m the only one! Life throws us fastballs and curve balls, and I don’t even like baseball to begin with! Anyway, I find that sometimes I lose myself, lose my focus, lose my motivation, and hit a wall. I often find myself thinking like such a drama queen, thinking that things will never get better, never change, or I’ll never get to where I want to be.

Funny thing is, I know I’ve been in that place before, many, many times before! In times like this a little reflection on where I’ve come from helps me to reset and stop being such a drama queen. Here’s a little glimpse into my past, and what has gotten me to my present:

At the age of 21 I was the mother of two with no real direction in life. Aside from the day-to-day have-to’s, I really didn’t know where I was going. When my son was born, 2008, I finally realized enough was enough! It was time to make some serious changes in my life because what I now knew what that it wasn’t just my life anymore. Each and every one of my actions had (and will continue to have) a direct consequence and impact on someone else’s life. This was my motivation. I was finally strong enough to follow my heart and listen to my head.

2009 was a big year for us! I did something I never thought I’d be able to do, I ended the awful relationship I was in. It was extremely hard but I finally felt free! I also started college! This was very exciting for me since I had never been a real keener for school before, heck I wasn’t even a high school graduate at this point! But the courses I did have met the requirements of the program and so began my academic adventure!

During my time at college I learned a great deal about myself and my vision for my future. I faced many walls and challenges – and often felt like I couldn’t do it! But I kept on trucking and took each experience as a new lesson learned. At the same time as going to college full time, I also took some high school courses on the side. I was determined to graduate from high school before college – and I did! June 2010 was the first time I had graduated from anything since elementary school! I then graduated from college at the top of my class in May 2011. Rather than graduation being an ending for me, I knew that was just the beginning.

Turned out my academic adventure would also include attending University. Similar to college, there have been many obstacles in my way. The cost of daycare and increased cost of living in the city has almost been enough to break my bank! Even more frustrating are the courses that are required for my degree but are only offered at night. In a new city, no family, no friends, and no support network, this was clearly impossible. I have since learned that if you want something badly enough – and you’re paying for it! – nothing is impossible.

My time at university is wrapping up. Once again I’m astonished at myself. I set a goal and I’ve almost complete it regardless of what stood in my way. This is how I know that whatever challenges I face from here on out won’t matter because I can (and will!) persevere!

Some days I feel like I can take on anything, some days defeat me but it all makes up who I am
and shapes who I will become.

Spread some joy and share your optimism with others by getting in on Project Optimism!! There is so much joy-sharing going on there’s a page full of it! The Best Life has posted an entire page of fabulous blogs all getting in on the action, sharing some of their joys, turning their frowns upside down, and seeing the bright side of their Mondays! Join in the fun, it’s easy:

1. Write about something that makes you feel optimistic. Whatever it is, write from your heart.
2. Post on MONDAYS. Include “Project Optimism” in your title.
3. Grab a badge by going to your dashboard and clicking the “IMAGE” widget. Adjust pic size 200h x 200w. The image URL: (http://mylifeisthebestlife.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/project-optimism.jpg)
4. Link over here and invite friends to join in.
5. Encourage the person who linked up before you. Kindness is contagious!

Happy Monday   

*If this isn’t quite enough optimism for you, be sure to check out that page I mentioned which is full of others joy or sneak a peek at my past week’s posts. Find them all stored neat & tidy under Project Optimism in my drop down Category menu to the right.*  

SNOW DAY!

It’s been one of those weeks where I need a pause button; everything needs to stop while I keep working on getting caught up! I’m in need of a sick day – without being sick!

I woke up this morning and nearly screamed THANK YOU to mother nature! A beautiful overnight dumping of snow has left the town we live in basically closed down. At 6:00 am the list of closures and delays was long, and it included the kid’s school but unfortunately not mine. Of course it isn’t as common for universities to close campus due to the weather, and either way, with the kids out of school, I wouldn’t be attending classes today anyway.

I clearly remember the excitement and thrill that comes along with snow days. Waking up to a blanket of snow, sometimes not even being able to open the back door of the farmhouse I grew up in! There were endless activities to do on a snow day living in the country. Unfortunately they always seem to start with chores. As my Dad saw it, 5 kids who couldn’t be at school were 10 extra hands to help out in the barn. Regardless, snow days were still exciting. There was this feeling that we were completely disconnected from the world – plus we had no internet, satellite, or cable – like everything outside of our farm was standing still, life simply stopped for the day. As long as the pigs still got fed there were never any priorities that took us out and about on snow day.

It seems so different nowadays. Even with long lists of closures and cancellations things never seem to stop, people are warned to “be careful” on their commute rather than to stay home. By 7:00 am I was decided that with or without university cancellations it was to be a real snow day at our house today. We would be pushing that pause button! By 7:15 the university announced campus was closed and all classes were cancelled – another big thank you

So now that it’s official, what to do on our snow day? As I mentioned, I had a LOT of catching up to do! But before anything else, there was reason to celebrate so I started my morning with one of these delicious little treats – and I haven’t slowed down since

Maple Mocha from the 100 Days of Real Food blog – click the picture to be taken to my favourite blog of all time!

Laundry was so far behind drawers were empty and matching socks were a rare find. The floors were in desperate need of a scrub, bathrooms were in disarray, my kitchen was begging for some TLC, and the laundry room had become a dumping zone with piles of outgrown clothes towering taller than the kids! All the things I never seem to get to, until now!

Of course it wouldn’t be a snow day without baking! That was always one of the best parts of a snow day, walking through the bitter cold, entering the house only to be met with the smells of banana bread. We won’t be doing banana bread but my mouth has been watering for some sweet little treats I spotted on a bliss-filled blog earlier this week and then there’s this recipe for apple peanut butter bars that already has my house smelling delicious – what is better than being trapped inside on a snow day with the house smelling like baked apples & cinnamon?! Generally, once we start baking we usually get on a roll so we’ve already planned to re-stock our frozen waffle supply while we’re at it (that recipe also comes from 100 Days of Real Food!).

…now that I’ve had a productive morning I will feel no shame in spending the rest of my day caught up in highly competitive games of Uno, Monopoly Junior, and possibly some Ker-Plunk! At the moment the kids are making themselves a mini homemade pool table so while I’ve got some peace, I just might put my feet up and watch the snow fall.

Thanks again Mother Nature

The view the local radio station provided on Twitter this morning – definitely a stay in kind of day! (photo: KIX 106)

Project Optimism: Time

Have you ever felt like there’s just not enough time in a day? I’m sure we all have – and if you haven’t please tell me your secret!

Most of my days are over far too quickly. I haven’t ever enough time to do everything I need to do from school work to house cleaning to showering regularly! And then there’s the things I want to do, I never seem to find the time to squeeze all this in! The books I want to read to the kids, the fitness routine that never seems to fit into my schedule, or the wonderful places I long to travel to. Nope, just never enough time!

Seems like the perfect solution to most my life’s problems is right there – more time! But would more time actually make me happy?

Really, when you stop and think about it, no one has more or less, we all have the same amount of time. This was a jaw dropping revelation for me – actually it was more of a “duh, why didn’t I think of that?” moment!

We all have the same amount of time. 24 hours in each day and how we spend that time is our choosing! I understand each person has their own unique obligations and responsibilities that tend to shape how they spend their time but when it all boils down, we all have the same amount of time.

I keep repeating this fact, mostly to drill it into my own head! I’ve got the same amount of time as everyone else, how I choose to spend my time makes up my days and determines what gets done and what doesn’t.

With two busy kids I’ve got the pleasure of raising on my own, hockey & gymnastics practices, midterms already upon me, difficult seminar courses with copious amounts of required reading, and all those other things I want to do, time isn’t really difficult to fill. This is me recognizing that there’s always the perfect amount of time in each and every day and that I’ve got the ability to fill it how I so choose.

Which brings me to my next point, how I choose to spend my time. All too often I get caught up in the “have to’s” and “need to’s” and let’s not forget the, “gotta get done’s.” So many times all those “want to’s” are completely forgotten and pushed aside. If I pay attention to them I feel guilty, selfish, and like a bad mother. Why do the dishes have to be done before I enjoy a delicious, warm cup of tea? The world will not end even though I often think it will. Now I don’t think we should all run off and do whatever we want to do without any regard for our obligations and responsibilities. What I think is that for me personally (and for many MANY others/mothers I know!) there is never enough focus on what we want to do and far too much focus on what we need to do. I say let us find some balance!

This past weekend, with the kids off visiting at their Dad’s, I decided to get away. I loaded up the car with some of my favourite people and escaped to a wintry resort for a weekend of falling snowboarding! It was AMAZING! A full 48 hours of doing what I wanted to do! I put midterms and papers out of my mind, forgot about the piles of laundry at home, dumped my dog off on my fabulous father and off I went. Now here’s Monday and I’m sore recharged and ready to conquer this week!

It isn’t more time that solves my problems but instead how I choose to spend my time. A little “me” time makes me better able to handle the sometimes overwhelming amounts of responsibilities I’ve got on my plate. How do you manage to stay sane and get everything done?

Spread some joy and share your optimism with others by getting in on Project Optimism!! There is so much joy-sharing going on there’s a page full of it! The Best Life has posted an entire page of fabulous blogs all getting in on the action, sharing some of their joys, turning their frowns upside down, and seeing the bright side of their Mondays! Join in the fun, it’s easy:

1. Write about something that makes you feel optimistic. Whatever it is, write from your heart.
2. Post on MONDAYS. Include “Project Optimism” in your title.
3. Grab a badge by going to your dashboard and clicking the “IMAGE” widget. Adjust pic size 200h x 200w. The image URL: (http://mylifeisthebestlife.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/project-optimism.jpg)
4. Link over here and invite friends to join in.
5. Encourage the person who linked up before you. Kindness is contagious!

Happy Monday  

*If this isn’t quite enough optimism for you, be sure to check out that page I mentioned which is full of others joy or sneak a peek at my past week’s posts. Find them all stored neat & tidy under Project Optimism in my drop down Category menu to the right.*  

 

Dream Day

If I could be anywhere, doing anything today, my day would likely look like this:

• Cozy blankets and fluffy pillows surround me while sitting in a window seat surrounded by books. Likely be re-reading an old favourite – one of those fantastic stories that you become a part of, that take your breath away, make you laugh with the characters and cry when they cry, and long for more once you’ve flipped the final page

Maybe a nook like this one found at blog.styleestate.com

• Of course I’d be sipping on my favourite tea: Vanilla Cinnamon herbal tea with a splash of honey just for fun!
• When the reading was done I’d love to sit and listen to recorded episode after episode of CBC Radio’s Vinyl Cafe with Stuart McLean! I can never, ever get enough of his story telling! Vinyl Cafe is now available as Podcasts which is so great! I sometimes can’t listen in on Sunday’s when it is aired on the radio but now can have it on my iPhone whenever I want it!
• Part of me thinks I’d stay in my PJ’s all day, but another side of me is more realistic than that. I do love structure and productivity. I feel icky when I spend the entire day in my PJ’s. Rather than PJ’s all day I’ll settle for some comfy yoga pants and my coziest hand-knitted sweater.
• Lunch would be my newest addiction: kale! Steamed with some peppers and onions, some hot pepper flakes and loads of garlic. Throw some salmon on top and you’ve got my favourite meal. Of course I won’t have to make it, it’s my dream day after all!
• I really couldn’t sit still for an entire day regardless of how appealing that sounds, realistically I’ve got fat too much energy for that! There would have to be some type of physical activity going on. Perhaps a beautiful hike on the Bruce Trail with my 4-legged friend (like we’ve done before!). 
• I’m a very social person at heart so this dream day wouldn’t really be complete if there weren’t other people involved. Maybe a good old fashioned family hockey game on my parents backyard rink (that we’ve been making for nearly 20 years now!). There’s home-made nets my brother welded together about 15 years ago and always a pot of hot chocolate ready when we’re finished (thanks Mom!). 
• After skating, all 23 of us (that’s my immediate family!) would squeeze around the table in my parents kitchen. We’d devour a giant bowl of my own home-made chili, enjoy a few beers, and laugh about this & that until it was time to put the kids to bed. I’d end my dream day sleeping in my old bedroom, squeezed into the single bed with one munchkin on either side of me. One snoring (like she always does!) and the other with his fingers wrapped around strands of my hair so tightly I can’t move without acquiring a bald patch. Those are the best sleeps!

Us playing hockey in January 2013. It is always best under the lights!

Don’t get me wrong, my reality really isn’t all that bad. Sure I don’t get to spend hours escaping to fictional worlds and I don’t even have a window! I don’t get to see my family as much as I’d like but when we are together it’s like no time has passed at all. I’m thankful for my reality, but love to dream every now and then! What would your dream day look like? 

Happy Friday!

boys to men

Reblogged from [writing] between friends:

Here is the immediate context in a long-term process: right before Christmas, a school shooting, killing children who were the age of my twin boys, sitting diligently in their classrooms like mine do every day. My quiet tears at the simplest moments in the following weeks, self-censored, because they do not know, don't need to know, and feel responsible for their mother's emotional health.

Read more… 610 more words

"In our push to see women as equals, do we sometimes mistake “equal” for meaning “the same,” to the advantage of our daughters and with contempt for our sons?"

....wow! Such a great topic I just had to share! It is an issue I battle with in my house as well. It is much easier for me to encourage my daughter to reach outside of her stereotypical roles than it is for me to allow my son to simply be a rowdy boy.

Happy Monday: Project Optimism

As I typed that title I realized, I actually mean it! In general I hate Mondays. I am definitely one of ‘those’ people who complains and groans and uses the day of the week as an excuse for the entire day’s failures. Today had it’s fill of failures.

It all started during those cold, quiet, still hours of the morning. I, freezing cold and wishing I was still in bed, jumped into the shower hoping the warmth would somehow wash away the usual Monday blues before the day even really started. I very quickly realized I was not alone in the shower – an 8 legged friend decided to join me! I hate spiders! Rather than scream or panic I decided to make him a deal. I told him (literally) that if he didn’t move I’d spare his life and share my shower and in approximately 12 minutes we’d each go our separate ways and hopefully never mingle again. I ended up spending the entire 12 minutes staring at him – my eyes still sting from the suds! What a way to start a Monday…

It really didn’t get much better from there what with the overnight dumping of snow turned freezing rain, kids who hate Mondays as much as I do, and absolutely no empty parking spots at school – does no one stay home when the roads are slick?! Slipping and sliding my way to my first class started out fun, but alas, the fun always ends once someone gets hurt. Falling didn’t hurt my butt nearly as much as it hurt my ego, but hurt nonetheless.

By now it’s nearing noon and I’m in full blown I hate Mondays mode. Here is when I grab a coffee and open my lap top searching for a little break from it all, an escape. Here is when I realize that not only is it Monday, but it is MONDAY! It’s Project Optimism day! Sorry moody Mondays, but with there’s a new Monday in town and I like him!

Funny how random people out there somewhere in the internet can basically say, “Let’s all be optimistic on Mondays” and that can change my day! Rather than wallow in a pitiful Monday I grabbed it by the horns and steered in the direction of my choosing! I even shared in the Project Optimism love myself, turning my closed doors into life lessons.

I kept this attitude up and by the time my school day was done and my munchkins and I were home I was in a completely different mind set – and it spread! One kid offered to do the dishes all by herself (I looked the other way and ignored crusty porridge left on the breakfast bowls!) while the other gave me a hand making what ended up being a delicious dinner – chicken breast with steamed kale & green collards with garlic, peppers, and onions! And then to top it all off we made (for the first time ever) cauliflower crusted garlic & cheese breadsticks!!! How can Monday not be great with all that combo?!

It just goes to show that there is truth in the age old saying, “A smile is contagious.”

Photo from, “20 Days Toward Happiness and Health”
http://draggarwal.org/2012/06/

If you’re interested in spreading OPTIMISM, here’s what you need to do:

1. Write about something that makes you feel optimistic. Whatever it is, write from your heart.
2. Post on MONDAYS. Include “Project Optimism” in your title.
3. Grab a badge by going to your dashboard and clicking the “IMAGE” widget. Adjust pic size 200h x 200w. The image URL: (http://mylifeisthebestlife.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/project-optimism.jpg)
4. Link over to The Best Life, and invite friends to join in.
5. Encourage the person who linked up before you, because that’s what it’s all about. Kindness is contagious!

Hitting Bumps

The bumps in the road make life fun

I don’t know exactly who said this but I’ve definitely hit a bump or two in my days. For the most part I’m grateful for the bumps. Sure, they aren’t exactly pleasant at the time but they always provide an opportunity for learning, growth, and shifts in perspective. For the most part I’ve been able to buckle up and ride them out, safely making it to the other side with lessons learned.

Lately I’ve felt a lot more than merely bumps in the road, it’s more like a large, getting-nowhere, circular, bumpy, knot!

Doors that were opened have suddenly closed. Changes in my carefully laid out life plan have been made without my consent or control. Every recent flicker of hope has been quickly followed up by a smack in the face. The completion of my degree (which is basically my ticket into the “real” world) is proving to be trickier than I imagined.

I don’t do well when things are carefully organized and planned out. I’m not talking about having my kitchen’s junk drawer neatly organized, I’m talking about my life, my kids lives! For the past few years I’ve been happily following along on my ambitious journey, slowing ticking checks off my list and things going relatively according to plan. Of course there has been bumps and even some hard falls along the way but those are to be expected, and in retrospect, they’re now embraced. They have shaped and created me as I am today, and brought me to where I am today.

The recent weeks have been bumpy, to say the least. Perhaps explaining my lack of blogging…..but in times like these, something has to go! But, in honour of Project Optimism I’m using this experience as an opportunity for growth and personal improvement. It is a chance to practice being patient; an opportunity to look into avenues I didn’t even know existed; a chance to practice letting go and feel that it is OK to not be in control. I won’t lie, it sure isn’t easy for me, but I’m trying, and things already look a little brighter!

Today, my optimism is coming in the form of believing that everything happens for a reason! In the past I’ve had doors shut, felt smacks to the face, heck I even had 2 very large bumps that, 9-ish months later, ended up being the most beautiful little things I had/have ever known! There is reason behind the madness and one day it’ll be clear, until then, I guess I’ll just buckle up, enjoy the ride, and steer whenever I can!

 

Let a little sunshine into your day today (even if it’s grey and freezing rain outside!). If you want to get in on Project Optimism, check out The Best Life or follow her instructions:

Project Optimism is passionate about wanting to spread the joy. Check out the blogs on our page to feel some love.

If you want in on this glorious action:

1. Write about something that makes you feel optimistic. Whatever it is, write from your heart.
2. Post on MONDAYS. Include “Project Optimism” in your title.
3. Grab a badge by going to your dashboard and clicking the “IMAGE” widget. Adjust pic size 200h x 200w. The image URL: (http://mylifeisthebestlife.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/project-optimism.jpg)
4. Link over here and invite friends to join in.
5. Encourage the person who linked up before you. Kindness is contagious!

Project Optimism

I absolutely love the entire premise behind Project Optimism. This comes at such a perfect time for me what with my new-found quest for Happy Living, kudos to The Best Life and her partners for creating this joy sharing project! I do think …

Bruce in the Winter

Have you ever done one of those things you’ve ALWAYS wanted to do; something that has been on your wish          list for ages; something you’ve dreamed about?
And then when it finally happens, it’s like magic!

If you’ve never heard of The Bruce, you should most definitely do a google search! It is Canada’s longest & oldest footpath. The main trail is approximately 900 km long (559 miles). There is also about 450 km of off-shoot trails to explore. The scenery is breathtaking - especially along the Niagara Escarpment which is one of only 16 UNESCO World Biosphere Reserves worldwide!

From Niagara to Tobermory!

By now I’m sure you get it, its fantastic!

Back in the summer it was on my Summer To Do List to hike along the Bruce – it didn’t matter where, just ON the Bruce! It’s been something I’ve always wanted to do and ended up being all I expected and more!  But I wasn’t done with the Bruce. No, not at all! Now I had more plans for us: doing an end-to-end hike of one of the main sections, winter hiking, etc. This past week I got the opportunity to cross one of these off my wish list: Winter Hiking!

The weather was spectacular, the conditions a little icy but manageable, most importantly, the company was great! 

A few amazing girlfriends from school met up with me in Ancaster, ON. The three of us are scattered around the area so this was kind of a middle point for us to meet. Even better than having them as great company, we also brought our four legged friends! Roxy & Sophie had never met but were instantly friends!

What do you think of my hat?! I made it myself

They frolicked & explored, and even swam, while we gabbed and shared stories of our holidays. The kind of great friends who you can go without seeing for weeks, but can pick up right where you left off as if no time has passed at all! 

Hiking the Bruce is in no way an easy feat. We definitely felt a burn in our legs after climbing steep, icy inclines.

This may not look steep but the picture was taken from halfway up the hill. Only the dogs & I made it up this one. Sliding on my rear end was the only way I managed to get down!

We decided to trek off the beaten path a little for some extra fun & adventure. We conquered hills and fallen trees, and ended up finding the BEST picnic spot!

 

 

These old building ruins are considered to be haunted according to my girlfriends story

It was here, at the top of a steep climb, that the sun seemed to shine it’s brightest. We laid out a blanket and feasted!

 

 

My favourite peanut butter wraps with a side of raw veggies, fruit, and the most delicious little donut holes from a local bakery for dessert!

The last half of our loop was similar to the first, with a few more splashing areas for the dogs.

 

 

…and a few more steep climbs for us. By the time we reached our starting point 4 hours had passed.

Time flies when your having fun! 

The arrow might show the way but its our hearts are what take us where we need to go